Women's
Sexual Fantasies
What do
women fantasise about?
Well, naturally this ranges from the outrageously obscure
to the mundane ("I dream of having two men - one
to do the dishes and one to do the laundry.") To
narrow this down, it may be best to concentrate on the
popular ones. To this purpose, I’ve created a list of
common women’s fantasies. The list is based on two surveys
– one from AskMen.com and another from Women.com, as well
as the pioneering work of Nancy Friday and Margaret Leroy.
You may be surprised at some of them.
Be prepared.
Men
in uniform, especially firemen
Uniforms
imply authority, and women are brought up to believe men
should take charge in bed. Firemen are especially popular,
as they bring in the “damsel in distress” element. This
fantasy satisfies a desire to be rescued and then seduced
by a man who knows what he’s doing. Women’s magazine Australian
Women’s Forum charted massive sales when they featured
a fireman as a centrefold. “I fantasize about making love
with a firefighter covered in black soot,” says Marina
in the Women.com survey. “Under his uniform he is Commando,
and he's got a great body.”
Sex
with a stranger
This
usually involves meeting a mystery man for a night of
passionate, anonymous sex. Lynn, a contributor to Nancy
Friday’s book Forbidden Flowers, imagines a stranger
talking dirty to her, even though in real life she finds
profane language to be “fake.” Because the stranger doesn’t
know who she is, a woman can be anyone, and do anything.
This fantasy is all about freedom and letting go of inhibitions.
Romantic
Heroes and Movie Stars
Women often
include real-life actors in their fantasies. A survey
at Women.com revealed an interesting variety of fantasy
partners, ranging from Clint Eastwood to Paul Stanley
from KISS (complete with makeup) to The Rock from WWF
(I imagine him laying me on the wrestling mat and having
his wild ways with me!"). An extension of that is
a fantasy involving a character from a film or a book
("Ever since I was a teen, I've loved Zorro. The
mask and dark outfit turn me on!”).
Domination
- of others and by others
Ordering
another to perform sexual acts, like cunnilingus, is a
common female fantasy, as is spanking him and making him
beg. This may not necessarily be in a typical BDSM context;
it may simply be in the bedroom. The main idea is having
the woman’s needs fulfilled without any need to reciprocate.
The reverse
of the above is also common. In this fantasy, a woman
is ordered to perform sexual acts, but all of them lead
to her pleasure. In some fantasies a women refuses to
obey, and is punished through more pleasure. Domination
implies the removal of will – and this helps the woman
deal with guilt she may have about feeling “unwomanly”pleasure.
Having
an audience
It may
be one viewer, or it may be a colosseum full of people
cheering, but having an audience while having sex with
a partner is a common female fantasy. Nancy Friday points
out that in this fantasy, an applauding audience sees
a woman as she really is – naked, erotic, uninhibited
- and compliments her on it by cheering. The woman’s ability
to make others feel aroused also provides a feeling of
power, and a delicious ego boost.
A clinical
atmosphere
Variations
on the “being watched” and domination themes often involve
women being examined by doctors or experts, or being the
subject of some kind of experiment. “I imagine I’m at
the Masters and Johnson clinic with their ‘fucking machine,’”
says Noranna in Forbidden Flowers. In an earlier
chapter, Sophie details being strapped to a table in front
of a group of men in white coats. “The head doctor announces
that the gentlemen will soon witness a female orgasm.”
Again, there’s the ego boost from being considered special
enough to “study”, as well as the voyeuristic pleasure
of having an audience.
Group
sex
There are
two main kinds of group sex in female fantasies: the football
team/motorcycle gang kind of group sex, and the sensual,
lush Roman orgy. The former sees a group of men worshipping
the woman and complimenting her as they take turns. “[The
players} tell each other how lucky they are to have sex
with a beautiful woman like me,” says Isabel in Forbidden
Flowers. “Naturally, in a fantasy, no-one can refuse
me.” The latter sees equal numbers of women and men touching
all parts of a woman’s body as she touches theirs. This
is far more romantic and often involves unreal situations.
“I am the centre of attention at a large orgy in a sultan’s
opulent palace,” says Jan. Both fantasies are often ego-driven;
the others pay complete attention to the woman and her
pleasure.
Getting
paid for it
In
an extension of the audience fantasy, many women imagine
themselves as a stripper, or go further and fantasise
about being a prostitute. In many of these fantasies,
the woman is the equivalent of a well-dressed and pampered
courtesan, as opposed to your average oppressed street-walker,
and her clients are all fabulously rich men who know how
to make her orgasm at the drop of a hat. Once again, this
fantasy focuses on the ability to induce arousal in others
and the consequent feeling of power.
Two
men at once
While
many women are curious about double penetration, Askmen.com
found that a surprisingly common fantasy involves being
penetrated by one man as another simultaneously performs
cunnilingus. (Whoever manages to create this particular
piece of content will be sitting on a goldmine.) Other
variations include being penetrated while having her nipples
licked by another man. In all situations, both men work
towards her pleasure, ignoring their own.
Strap-on
sex
The
invention of the strap on has given women a field day,
and it has only recently appeared in women’s fantasies.
The women who responded to Askmen.com’s survey imagined
penetrating their man anally and being turned on by the
power and his vulnerability. An alternate strap-on fantasy
involves screwing another woman, perhaps with the strap-on
being linked to her clitoris, so it becomes a virtual
pleasure-giving penis.
Bisexual
and lesbian affairs
It’s not
just men who are turned on by the idea of a little “hot
lesbo action”. But this time there are no men involved.
Having sex with another women is a fantasy of gentleness
and sensuality; it’s about touching another soft hairless
body, and being pleasured by one who knows exactly how
to touch you… there. “The lesbian fantasy becomes a dream
of perfect sex,” says Margaret Leroy in Pleasure,
“a repository for all those bits that are missing from
sex with men.” Invariably these fantasies are also very
romantic, and feature an intuitive, magical relationship
with the female lover.
The
Father of my Child
A distinctly
unexpected female fantasy involves admiring and passionately
making love to a man in order to create a baby. Margaret
Leroy recounts the story of a woman who was attracted
to a man until she learned he’d had a vasectomy; Leroy
calls this “the eroticism of fertility.” This fantasy
is charged with a great deal of emotion, but is nonetheless
extremely sexual, and it may be the only exclusively female
sexual fantasy.
Teaching
and Learning
In this
fantasy, the woman takes a young man and teaches him how
to have sex. “A young boy is brought to my bedroom and
I teach him the right way to make love,” writes Jill in
Forbidden Flowers. Perhaps this dream embodies
a desire to encounter a better lover, or for all men to
improve their technique (!). Alternately, a woman will
imagine she’s a virgin and is taught by an older, wiser
lover. “The ‘queen’ lesbian decides I need training in
female love,” writes Delia. The fantasy erases all those
unsuccessful sexual fumblings of early sex, and allows
the woman to begin again.
Non
consensual sex
That’s
right folks… rape fantasy. But this doesn’t mean women
dream about being raped in the normal, legal sense of
the word. Instead, the fantasy is all about being made
to experience pleasure against one’s will. This usually
involves a rough, handsome stranger pinning the woman
up against a wall and forcing her to orgasm. Rape fantasy
is common because it removes the guilt which women often
feel about their own pleasure, and places responsibility
for their actions elsewhere. It’s important to note that
rape fantasies don’t involve any real violence, and the
attacker is always interested in the woman’s pleasure
and not his own. This is, of course, vastly different
from real sexual assault.
Bestiality
This is
the real shocker. Nancy Friday’s books contain numerous
references to sex with dogs – whether they are licking
or humping the woman. Why does this appear so often? A
woman who (to her own bewilderment) fantasises about being
screwed by a dog while a gang of men watch gives a hint.
“The best idea I can come up with is that the dog is the
best fucker in the group… no man can top him.” Friday
suggests a hidden anger behind this image, and a form
of revenge on men. Again, it should be stated that these
are only fantasies, and have little bearing on a woman’s
real sex life.
Women’s
sexual imagination stretches way beyond the fantasies
mentioned here. Scenes change, characters alternate, real
life is dramatised. Nonetheless, the above fantasies
tend to be quite common across a wide range of women.
The adult
industry is only just beginning to cater to these fantasies.
At present the only adult videos dealing with this material
are Candida Royalle’s Femme series. Hopefully more content
providers will begin to adapt these ideas, to create a
larger range of material for adult webmasters, a development
which will keep women – and their credit cards – happy.
If
you want to know more about this topic, I recommend all
of Nancy Friday’s ground-breaking books about women’s
sexual fantasies: My Secret Garden, Forbidden Flowers
and Women on Top. I also recommend Pleasure: The Truth
about Female Sexuality by Margaret Leroy.
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